Why Marriages Fail – Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo
“The issues in marriage is most time the foundation. This building you’re seeing now, the most important part of it is the foundation. If the foundation is not here, there will be no building. It doesn’t matter what the design looks like. The reasons why marriages fail is highlighted below. “
1. Marriages Fail Because People Do not Like Themselves
What I mean is self-love. You cannot give what you do not have. I am not talking about selfishness but there is a healthy self-love you need to have. Do you know why some people are desperate to marry? This is because they don’t love themselves, you must first like yourself. listen, it is whom you are that will determine the kind of marriage you want to have. You cannot marry above the knowledge you have for the person you are. Therefore you must first acquire the requisite knowledge for your breakthrough in marriage. You must first love yourself. How much do you love your life right now?
Marriage is not a rescue mission. You’re not just waiting to get married. Your single years it’s not just the time you’re waiting to get married. Your single years is a time of practice. Your single years is a preparation time. Your single years is packaging time. You are preparing yourself to life, you are preparing yourself to destiny. See, you have a destiny! help me tap your neighbor and say “you have a destiny”. Marriage is not a destination, marriage is only a vehicle that can take you to your destination. Marriage is not a goal. Many people set marriage as a goal only to realize that it is not a goal and they became unhappy. I’m sorry to say that marriage is not a cure and it won’t solve all the problems in your life. You already have a destination in God and marriage is just a vehicle that will take you to your destination.
Let’s just imagine that there was no marriage. Will you still be happy? I hope you know that there is no marriage in heaven. We are all just going to be brothers and sisters, I’ll sit with my wife though. Love your life now, if you’re not happy now, who told you that you’re going to be happy in your marriage? Many people are unhappy in their marriages because they have set false expectations and unrealistic goals. I know you are single people, most of us who are married can give you a heads up about marriage. Marriage is not going to solve all your problems. Now you start solving all your problems now by the knowledge of God. Be happy now.
People will say to me, “Pastor there’s this guy he’s always beating me, he’s always kicking me but he says he loves me”. That shows you do not like yourself because if you like yourself then, there are things you will take from people and there are things you will not take from people. The reason why you’re still considering some things is because you have not yet love yourself, listen I’m not talking about selfishness here, but self-love because if you love yourself, there are things you not accept from a guy.
Alter is not the goal, the goal is fulfillment. Be happy as a person. In fact many young people think that if they meet the right people they’ll be happy. But the fact is, if you’re happy, you’re likely to meet the right person. Pursue your own happiness now. The only reason you’re going to leave single-hood is when is gonna be better than marriage. If being married is going to be worse than where you are now, you better remain single. Trust me there are many married people praying to be single. You still have the chance to do it right and I pray for you that God will give you the Grace to do it right. Someone may just say that I’m tired of being single no no no no don’t say like that.
2. Marriages Fail Because People Do not Like Each Other
Many people do not understand what love really is and so, they do not love each other. Many people do not really love each other but they love love, they love the idea about marriage, they love the idea about romance but truly, they do not love.
People send me messages over time, They said to me ‘Pastor, all my siblings married late but me, I must make sure I marry early.’ This shows that they have a goal why they want to enter into a relationship/marriage, i.e Marrying early. That is why they have personal Project, they are looking for a scape goat that will be used to complete their own project. So people like that end up marrying people they don’t even like. They love married couples but they don’t like themselves. They like children but they don’t like the individuals they have been married to. listen to me, If you love somebody and that person doesn’t love you and you’re pressuring them to love you, that shows you don’t love them, If you love them, You will respect their wishes, because you want them to be happy.
And so, if you’re saying somebody must marry you at that point, you just really want to use that person to satisfy your personal need. When somebody is using your relationship to satisfy another person’s need that is not really love. When you love yourself you have to just love the person(whoever) you really want to marry, you have to love the person not just the idea about marriage.
3. Marriages Fail Because People Don’t Build Themselves
Do you know everything you are required to do in marriage is what you are required to do as a Christian? marriage is not as complicated as people make it to be. everything you are required to do inside of a marriage is what you are supposed to be practicing as a Christian for free. the things that may cause problem in your marriage ‘unforgiveness’ as a Christian you’ve been told to forgive. you should been practicing forgiveness as a Christian, then to forgive the person you love wouldn’t be a problem. so when last did you forgive someone who offended you in the church. I remember the story of a man who said I’m tired of this marriage, then the man visited the Pastor and the pastor said to him you must forgive your wife, noun the man said to the pastor, pastor my wife has been denying me of several things she has been staying in the other room. now the pastor informed him that the Bible says that we must love your neighbour. if you’ve been practicing forgiveness as a Christian, not forgiving will never be a problem when you get into marriage. if your whole life is built all around you that means you will not do well in marriage because marriage is going to be a shocker to you. for instance being an Usher in the Church trains you to have patience and servitude. build your financial capacity marriage is not a source of income. you can’t marry your way out of poverty, you’re targeting someone because you think they may solve all your financial problem no do something, build your own ability to make your own money. I tell ladies all the time don’t marry a man’s potential marry his pattern. check his patterns, what’s he doing with his life? from when you were 28 to 38 can you give account of your life what have you done with your stewardship? I’m not saying that the guy should be rich but there should be a Trace of what he has built with his life. I hope you know that there are so many marriages today crashing because a lot of people and not pulling their financial Burden. so build your life towards a good Legacy.
4. Marriages Fail Because People Don’t understand the Difference Between Male and Female
If you’re here and never thinking of marrying one of the things you must do and learn is a difference between man and woman. we are just different and the issue is this we are so different that women don’t love the way men do. you have a great is in your married when you learn how to treat that person with great understanding. there’s this book I wrote about marriage A to Z about marriage. I am my wife wrote it. for instance women love attention, but men finds it very awkward to be given to much attention. when a woman makes her hair she expects you to compliment her and that is attention. when she’s dressed up for church or an outgoing event she expects you to compliment her also and that is you giving her attention. now just as every woman needs and attention men also needs acceptance. by accepting a man you already giving him a chance to prove his worth in your life that also means that you can change some things you are willing to change in his life not by confronting him but by standing on the same side with him. when you stand in front of him to correct him he sees that as a Confrontation but when you stand on the same side with him he sees that as a correction. this already shows you that men and women are not the same although they are created and operated by the same God but they have differences. women should know that men needs help a lot, and that is why God created them to be helper mate. don’t just sit and criticize the man when you see his weakness. Help him that is why you are there, otherwise God created you to be the helper. He drops his shoes anywhere he sees, help him. He’s not good at managing his money, help him that is why you are the helper. I most times, the thing you’re always complaining about is the things you are called to solve for him. now instead of criticizing him he has mouth odor, why not brush for him? vice versa most men doesn’t know that women love men who make them laugh and that is ‘humour’. if you’re going to marry a woman one of the things you must learn to do as a man is to make her laugh, you need to be seeing her teeth always smiling. sometimes it’s ok to make a fool of yourself just to make her smile. although you’re not a comedian
Why Marriages Fail – Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo